Honestly speaking, I didn't strive my best for my AS examination. I regretted. On the day my results are released, I was feeling neutral. I wasn't so bothered what I will get because I know whatever that has done has already done. Nothing you can change at that moment. I paused and thought to myself, "Have I done my best?" I shrugged because I knew I didn't put my 100% effort. I did last minute study for most of my exams.
During Chemistry, a woman came and brought in a stack of papers all of the sudden. Those are the results that everyone was waiting for. Everyone was panicked. Some of them even went to toilet to calm themselves. I started to feel super nervous that time. I felt as if the room was colder and colder during that time. I started giggling. One by one was called alphabetically to get their results. Madam Emily announced those who got straight A's. The number of people getting either 3As or 4As increases. While some got really close to straight As but still everyone clapped. Some of them cried and tears for joy rolling down their soft cheeks. I can see that their efforts paid off with their excellence results.
As my name was called, I stood up and walked towards Madam Emily. She handed me my results and told me, "You can do better" I scanned through and saw a C for my Biology. o.o I was shocked. I went back to my seat and looked through. I was feeling quite happy for the other 2 subjects but still a C for Biology has ruined my results. I disliked Biology since secondary school and this is what I got.Nevertheless, I will still thank God for my results because without Him, I could have failed every subjects. It is by His loving Grace and Mercy that sustained me through AS. I remembered those hard times when I was facing, I lost focus but God kept me back on track. Looking through my results again and again did not make myself feel any better but deep inside me I cried but I just couldn't express it out. Only God knows my efforts and time that I have put in. Still, I felt happy for my friends who got all As even though I was not a part of their success. Everything comes with an effort and sacrifices. But, I looked up to some of them who can managed their time well and yet get all As for their results.
When I reached home, I called him and told my results since he insisted to know. I was telling him that I am happy for what I get because I told him I got worst for my AS trials. Well, I was trying to not make it sounded bad because I don't want him to be worried. I am ashamed for my results. At some point, I feel like being alone and anti-social so that other people will need not talk to an ignorant person like me. I don't think I'm worthy enough to even be anyone's friend. After I hang up the phone, I cried but I remembered one advice. He told me, "Don't be sad, no time for you to cry, you need to get up and continue." I was comforted and I really thanked him for advising me. Sometimes, things like this happened for a reason. God didn't promise everyone for a smooth sailing life. He allows us to go through storms and thunders in order to make us stronger. In the process, God will mould you and prepare you for the next battlefield.
Most of my friends advised me not to feel down about what I get but rather to feel motivated to work harder for A2. I agreed with them but somehow that uneasy feeling come rushing back. I felt down and wanted to give up in my studies. Feeling no hope but I know my hope is in the Lord. I must learn to trust Him in all His ways and lean not on my own understanding. Sometimes in order to success, we must learn to fail. At times, we may feel like giving up but what really matter is perseverance. I learnt to accept failure and surrender it to God. Let God work in every individuals of your lives. You may not see the bigger picture now but for sure, God is doing something in your life. You just gotta pressed on a little longer.
" Never give up on something. You need to show yourself you're strong enough. "
Blessed week peeps :)
